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We sang the song Oceans in church, a few months after our daughter was stillborn. I used to love that song. I always longed to walk in faith wherever God would lead me. But now I found myself not being able to sing it. What if going wherever He leads would mean I lose another child? I suddenly realized I didn’t trust God anymore. I was shocked. Some months later I went to a songwriters retreat. In a workshop the leader invited us to write down what bothers us and to give it over to God. After that we asked God what He wanted to show us. I ‘see’ a man on the water. The sea is calm and the sun breaks through, right above the man. We told each other what we received. Then we prayed again and I ‘heared’ a song line from the band Live: ‘Run to the water. I find you there’. I thought it was funny. I’ve always loved Live and God knows that of course. I didn’t know what to do with it, though. ‘Isn’t that man Jesus?’ someone said. I was startled and immediately thought of the song Oceans again. I realised Jesus was inviting me to walk on the water, in the light. I wrestled with what this means exactly. I listened to Oceans again and then the last line hits me: ‘in the presence of my Saviour’. That’s what someone said as well: ‘But Ineke, you don’t walk alone on that water. God is always there.’ It is true. If I honestly look back, I can’t recall a moment I was completely left alone. I was always in the presence of my Saviour. I kneeled down and told God that I don’t dare, but somewhere deep-down want to trust Him. I just didn’t know how. Then I described what I saw in this song. In the months following, I sang it again and again.
I wrote this song a few years ago when I was learning about my identity in Christ as well as at the time, really feeling like I was struggling to hear from Him. I wanted to convey a message of it doesn't matter what's happening around us, that God is for us and He loves us in and through our circumstances.
This song is simply a prayer to ask the Holy Spirit to enable us to let go of all the stuff that prevents us from experiencing the full power of His presence. Whether we come from a traditional or charismatic church background we can have cultural baggage which gets in the way of us genuinely releasing ourselves to the Spirit’s work in us. From either background there is a pressure to conform to what we think is the accepted norm and also to judge others around us on that basis. Worshipping in Spirit and truth is a place where what happens is between us and God, the actions of others…. well that’s between them and God. What happens next? Well that’s between you and God. My prayer in this song is that you are able to let go of all your baggage and inhibitions and let the Spirit work in you.